regenerate

Things are coming to fruition and it’s a wonderful feeling. Things are coming full-circle. I feel like I’m having a beautiful first-hand experience of watching something grow and finally begin to bear fruit – of closely observing an organic process. Slow growth. Slow and steady, I keep telling myself.

I feel good – I feel full. [...]

I have this great fear that everything is totally empty. Cardboard cities – empty of meaning. Nothing is real. For some reason, this meaninglessness comes through most strongly at night.
I remember experiencing this while having drunken late-night conversations with friends in Singapore. Looking up at empty buildings in downtown Kyoto. On a bus approaching New [...]

Thoughts running through my mind: I actually enjoy being here on planet Earth. It isn’t perfect, but there’s something for me to work with – a good base upon which I can build and create. And I can experience and I can simply enjoy what it feels like to be alive.

Think constructively.
Think about what can [...]

It’s nice feeling love again.
It’s nice to just be.
It’s nice to be in the process of finding my way back home.

Love doesn’t hurt – it’s certain conditioned thoughts and feelings that crop up in association with it that really do. Like the idea that it might never happen again, or that I don’t deserve it, or that it will be taken away from me soon. It’s those beliefs that really hurt me.

Like when I think [...]