Empower (part 1)

Oh hay! Look! I’ve gone and resurrected this from the dead.

I stopped writing Chrysalis for a long time because, although it did have a positive effect on how I lived my daily life (just having that daily commitment to self-development really changed the way I perceived situations) – it was starting to feel really forced. There were enough things in my life that I ‘had’ to do – I didn’t want my blog to be one of them! But today, I finally feel like it’s the right time to start this up again. Why?

Mainly because I really need to maintain focus at this point of my life.

Coming back to Singapore has been a thoroughly frustrating experience. After just 3 months in New York City, there were so many conveniences and freedoms that I actually got used to. Coming back here I’ve had to face one fact of physical reality – limitation.

Form implies limitation. It’s a fact of the universe and just something we have to deal with. Since coming back I feel like I’ve been slapped in the face with limitation. Everything in Singapore reminds me of my shortcomings and weaknesses – firstly, I find a lot of people to be extremely negative, rude and difficult to deal with, and my interaction with this culture is frustrating at best. I could go on forever (oh believe me, I’m not even kidding about this, I’ve gone on for over a decade at this point), but I learned something important just before I left for America alone for the first time in 2009: harping on what doesn’t work doesn’t actually help me or improve my life.

When you’re in a really bad situation – it’s absolutely imperative that you need to improve your situation.

Life is short – and personally I don’t want to spend my life being stuck in a negative mood. I have to make it clear that I’m not one of those positive-thinking fundamentalists. Recent experiences have taught me that certain negative experiences are important, because you learn from them too and it’s important not to be avoidant about things you’re afraid of. That said, what I’m trying to say is this: Given the choice, I do not want to remain stuck or trapped in a state of being that saps my energy.

I decided at some point in the past that I want to spend most of my life in constructive action. I want to create. Most recently I realized that I want to empower myself.

I’m really tired of letting a country and culture that I find to be extremely negative sap my strength. I want to focus on building up and mainly on feeling good about myself as a person. I love myself and I like to abide in this state of love and appreciation. I know, deep down, that no matter what any human being says, I have a right to live exactly the way that I want to, as long as my intentions are not malicious.

In this sense, living in a place like Singapore can truly be the ultimate test of character. I want to utilize this negative environment to build myself up rather than simply allowing it to break me down as it has been doing my entire life.