regenerate

Places like NYC and LA seem like places people go to to create themselves. That’s something I’ve always wanted to do since I was a child. I know that what I’ve been given is just raw material and my task is to make something out of it. What exactly this ’something’ is is entirely another story altogether.

I’ve made the decision to have an open heart when dealing with other people and to put aside all the hurt I’ve experienced in the past. I prefer to have an open and beautiful life and choose to expand myself in spite of fear rather than live life with the sole purpose of avoiding fear.

I always try to enjoy the present. Most of my so-called problems at this stage are abstractions. The present surrounding me is beautiful and absolutely perfect for now so it’s relatively easy to enjoy it here. It’s a different focus from Singapore where I had to focus on my inner state and the future abstraction of ‘going to New York’ or working towards that.

I accept that I can’t ‘figure out’ life. I just live it. My approach to living and personal philosophy seem to be working for me these days though. It didn’t always and so I often contrast this new experience to my days in a Singapore university – where on paper everything looked so good and yet I was absolutely miserable. Right now I fit in nowhere and in society’s eyes I’m almost unaccounted for in these last few years. Yet, I’ve really and truly lived. I can go from here. My conscience is clearer this way. I have found happiness and love – and that’s all that really matters in life.

The rest will follow.