regenerate

Gratitude & Giving (part 5)

Today I’ve been feeling rather split in half. Part of me is under extreme pressure and the other part is ready to just fly free – to fly completely free like never before. I wonder if breakthroughs generally come from feeling so caught between two huge, opposing influences. I hope so, because I feel like I’m on the precipice of something major.

This focus on personal development has slowed my thought process down quite a lot – I’m more aware of my thoughts now, which is sometimes scary because I realize I’m repeatedly thinking a lot of things that are not good or that downright make me feel bad. Every time I encounter such a thought, I’m reminded of something Louise L. Hay keeps repeating in her excellent book You Can Heal Your Life: “It’s only a thought, and thoughts can be changed.” And when your thoughts change, so does your life.

My resolve is stronger, I think, also because I’m in a situation where I really have no choice but to make it past a major blockage that has been around for quite a while now. I know that I will get through this no matter how difficult it is. I also keep reminding myself that whatever discomfort I experience is only temporary.

Being grateful now also encompasses self-love and self-appreciation. I keep noticing and affirming the positive changes in myself. I also try to accept my negative traits – naturally, being in this world we can’t be perfect. I don’t want to even try to be perfect anymore because it’s such a huge waste of time. I just want to be. Maybe I am approaching being able to finally really love myself – because I see that this love is not a result of being perfect or being outstanding. It’s just a simple caring for myself, seeing the good and fully accepting the bad. Again I’m reminded of Louise L. Hay as she mentions that every single person on this planet deals with self-hatred in some form or another.

Found this quote on a MetroCard the other night:

“Every man takes the limits of his own field of vision for the limits of the world.”
- Arthur Schopenhauer

I do feel that true gratitude is simply being able to see the world as it truly is – a miracle.