(Originally written: 23rd July 09 @ 01:27 am)

Philadelphia's Magic Gardens

“The fish trap exists because of the fish. Once you’ve gotten the fish you can forget the trap. The rabbit snare exists because of the rabbit. Once you’ve gotten the rabbit, you can forget the snare. Words exist because of meaning. Once you’ve gotten the meaning, you can forget the words. Where can I find a man who has forgotten the words so I can talk with him?”

- Chuang Tzu

I started crying, I really started crying when I looked back at my journal right now and saw that Chuang Tzu quote. I copied it down here this afternoon when I glimpsed it on my MetroCard. Most MetroCards (at least the ones that I have) don’t have quotes. This one did. It struck me as being particularly significant, though I couldn’t discern exactly why. I almost didn’t copy it down here but felt like I had to, even though I felt that I didn’t grasp it fully.

Then I read it a few minutes ago and something clicked. And I got exactly what it is about…

Manhattan, evening light

Is this it then? I came here to experience love. True love. I love this place and I love the people I met here. This trip has really, truly healed me, it’s made things right in my heart. The blockage I felt in my heart for many, many years is now gone.

Once you experience what you want to experience, you can let go of the circumstances of your experience. It’s time to let go.

First day in PA

Yes, something has ended. That beautiful period where everything flowed like magic. But it’s time to understand where that magic came from and bring it into my life again, this time consciously. It’s time to let go and see, really see where these things stand in the world.

On a forest walk in PA

I’m willing to love truly and unconditionally for the first time. I’m opening my heart again after being hurt badly.

Whatever happens now, I have developed an inner strength within me. I may not have many possessions and I may not have much money or status in this world but what I have developed in the last few months I know is something that – unlike everything else in this transient world – I can take with me when I die. I just know this.

Coney Island

Today at Coney Island, Carlos and I stood on the pier and looked out to the Atlantic Ocean. He remarked how in the past, people thought that the horizon was the limit of the world simply because they could not see past it. But anyone travelling in a ship would know that the horizon was not the end – there was infinitely more than that, but how could you convey this to someone whose point of view was the beach or the pier?

Then I started to wonder – is death like this too? Perhaps from the point of view of the living, death seems like the end. But maybe when you really go through it as a first hand observer, at the moment of passing through it you realize that it is really far from an end – it’s an entrance into a wider world.

And so there is nothing to fear.