Manhattan; Realizing NYC was the city I'd been dreaming of since childhood.

04:20 pm: Total sensory overload today. More hours of walking around Manhattan – this time completely unplanned. I’m still not eating much which is perhaps worrying. I saw the Empire State building and then a homeless guy nearby.

I probably need to move out of Queens. At least out of Flushing. I need to choose a place which is less ‘interesting’ and more comfortable. I’m still hungry but I don’t know why I just can’t eat. I’m tired of eating alone too. I have to reach out to others. I’m not quite sure how. I try to maintain a positive mood and attitude as much as I can, but if I feel low-energy I usually listen to music I can relate to and feel it fully. And sometimes I can let it go. I try not to judge myself anymore. Somehow it’s easier to do that in this environment.

Main St. in Flushing, Queens. Yes, this is America.

Yeah you know, it is really weird going somewhere and not having any family or close friends. It is odd. But beyond any shadow of a doubt – this is my city and my new home. I’ll just have to build from scratch, something I’ve been needing to do for a while anyway. This city has a lot to teach me. I’m finally faced with real life. I can see why I was running away from it for so long. Anyway I didn’t travel 15,000km and spend thousands of Singapore dollars to be unhappy here.

Rain in Manhattan.

I’m moving to New York. For real. There is no going back now. (I mean I might go back to Singapore to see Nine Inch Nails and to make more money so I can come back here but yeah, I know for a fact that I can’t live there.) You see, what I like about New York is that I feel everything is very upfront. No bullshit. Not like Singapore – where everything is so squeaky clean on the surface but inhumane and fucked up underneath.

Anyway, so much of life is what you make it. I need some serious time out to really set my intentions and remember that I do not want to suffer needlessly anymore. That was an important part of this trip anyway. Oh yeah, I’m drained of energy right now.

05:35 pm: For just once in my life, I’m going to try loving everything and everyone freely and easily and with no attachment, and I’m going to see how that works out.