Girl on Brooklyn Bridge

09:11 am: I could never leave this city man. In just three days it’s gotten underneath my skin and in my bloodstream.

I can’t believe it’s only been four days. It feels like it’s been so much longer. Time has been passing by a lot slower in New York, I feel. Or maybe it’s the longer summer days that make me feel this way. This morning I’ve decided that the next six/seven weeks are going to be spent literally finding a way to move here. Finding ways to live here.

Manhattan

For most of my life and especially in the last decade I’ve been making my decisions based on fear. I’ve been driven by fear. The effect of this way of life is that it manifests my fears in a very direct way because that’s all that’s on my mind. Recently I’ve been trying to make the transition to living a life based on and driven by love. Because life’s way too short, man. Will I get hurt? Of course. But you see, that’s unavoidable in life. The problem is when you make decisions based on ‘will I get hurt?’ as opposed to ‘will I grow as a human being?’. When hurt arises, we find a way to deal with it. All decisions based on the prevention of hurt are totally understandable, but misguided and not as efficient/effective as decisions based on love/the need to grow.

Walking across Brooklyn Bridge

I know New York is the perfect place for me to grow. I can feel it’s going to teach me a lot. I never planned on coming here and falling in love with this city, like this. I thought I’d just be getting by. I feel like I’ve changed so much in just four days. I just want to be in a constant state of love these days – because I see the benefits it has on my well-being. Love makes me want to live fully. Love makes me realize that at some point, all the pain can be healed. Like last night. Like right now. Love and hope are also energies and states of mind. Someone was talking to me last night saying how it’s all about energy. That’s exactly what I’ve been saying/thinking since I got here. It really is all about energy.

Manhattan

It’s just so weird how, after such a long, long time of stumbling, making mistakes and everything I’ve finally chanced upon a situation that’s a perfect fit. I… don’t even know what to say, probably can’t say too much here either.

So much of it depends on how you see it.

Brooklyn Bridge

07:24 pm: Today I went to Brooklyn Bridge & Central Park. Had some excellent udon at the nearby Japanese place here in Queens. Listened to more Filter on the 7 train into Manhattan. Walked right underneath the Chrysler building. I’m becoming more and more familiar with Manhattan, mainly the area around Times Sq. & Grand Central since I’ve gone there every day since coming here.

Central Park

I’m just wondering… since when did this become my life? I am so thankful because this is exactly the kind of life I’ve always dreamed of having. It’s wonderful, it’s beautiful. I love this country, these people, these experiences. I am growing and changing so much. I’m generally really comfortable alone these days. I feel so much energy within. I am really thankful. I am also really present – moreso than I’ve ever been. Sure I get distracted and overwhelmed at times but I can always bring myself back to the moment.

I love this country. That’s all I think when I look out my window. I love this city. That’s the first thing I think of when I get up in the morning. I’m gonna look for an apartment in the meantime.